i don't know
we were texting our brother yesterday, he'd moved to another state, but barely got there before saying he wasn't feeling it and was going to come back soon, and later said he felt unfulfilled
and it came to mind again that, i don't know what anywhere else would bring out in us, that we haven't already been told a million times, and already failed a million times, to do
we've lived in this area our whole life, bar the year of college crushed by mental health issues
i dunno. is it hard to care about this city and neighboring towns, having lived here like this for so long?
what would we find investment in in a new town? wouldn't it be equally indifferent to our existence, an equal struggle, but with less familiarity and less comfort? does the comfort matter?
i wish we didn't feel more inadequate and incapable of travelling than we do of staying
am tired of sucking down resources, am tired of subconsciously expecting eventual help while simultaneously chastising myself because there is no guarantee of it and knowing that it's severely limited regardless
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