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⛧ Hey. Hey. You there . . .

. . . Eat oats, kiss goats. ⛧

If you're a bad little boy, the devil's going to drag you down to the NETHERLANDS.

I, the dim little child, I, growing and learning every day

I, thinking the Netherworld and Netherlands were interchangeable for the longest time

I, a child with stones in the skull

The real punchline is the same delivery app is viewing my every move too, but not nearly as affectionately . . .

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{Viewing the delivery app tracking page, watching the little car move}

I'm unto a god, I know your every move. I'm the eye in the sky

I hope you make it here safely, insect

I hope you're keeping cool and hydrated on such a hot day, mortal

I hope my tip helped in a job that doesn't pay you enough at all, peon

I hope you don't rush or stress yourself out for my benefit, worm

{People talking to small dogs with a babying voice}

{Me talking to small dogs like a Cockney thug about to mug them}

{Full version's exceedingly NSFW, this will be withheld}

⛧ Hey. Hey. You there . . .

. . . Eat oats, kiss goats. ⛧

Welcome to my erotic bar, where these girls only serve up interpretive lap dances

Watch Gillian explain the relationship between the starchild and its celestial progenitors, in your lap

Watch Rose release her abstruse sorrows through oceanic mimicry, in your lap

Watch Freida communicate what she had for breakfast, I think? in your lap.

All these girls think they're better than you, and they're right. entry fee is $120

I don't play darts, I don't even really know how to play darts

But I'm goin to become the best at darts

Because I want to whoop everyone's asses while using the Baked Beans darts

I ghostwrote this one for Ja Rule:

root beer tapper
NES zapper
somethin somethin somethin
video game rapper

Pounding my massive meaty fist on the table, swinging my stein so that foam cascades down my arm

'YES! YES! I love it when the small funny creature initiates romantic tension with the regular person!!!'

I am dragged away by Buffalo Wild Wings security as my bellowing laughter grows quieter

> You ask Maelle to dress more appropriately to avoid standing out.

> Maelle wonders why you still disapprove of this outfit.

> You just want to go to Marble Slab Creamery ...

{By @/chimeracauldron on Twitz!

I don't need no SSD in my computer

I don't trust anyone or anything that can wake up faster than I do

Blood? 

the babes love it when I bump these tracks on my $30 clip-on bluetooth speaker

The first and only time a video game made me cry? I remember it well . . .

soulcalibur II mitsurugi wouldnt stop fuckin clapping my cheeks on arcade mode and i felt the hot hot tears welling up and my gamecube controller cracking

Having to go through a work day with Toxic Love from Ferngully endlessly cycling my brain is

I'm just making salacious Tim Curry noises to myself the whole time

Idea that make me go mmmmm:

Supernatural character places their hands over your own to make them mystically perform a task far better

mmmmmmmmmmm

Demon making you decimate a pinball game in the most intimate way possible, m m m m m m m

Heavily edited promotional art so that she may be the mascot for the video game side of my music collection . . . ✨

Doomily is an actual word? You can just apply Doomily to a sentence?

You can just use Doomily, and some posh and tenured university professor would just have to take that?????

You can use Doomily in a game of Scrabble, and Hasbro representatives wouldn't immediately knock the door down and sue your ass???????????

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