Shenaneggans @Shenanigans@chitter.xyz

It's impossible to put a lava lamp in a basement.

As soon as it's underground, it's a magma lamp.

rich youtubers be like "here's why the pisscunt phone x48 pro ultra is a STEAL" and its $1400 and doesnt have a headphone jack

@kilmo remindin' me of the time my stepfather installed After Dark on his computer, and I was playing with it and left the "worms" screensaver selected, and when it came on he freaked out and thought his computer had a virus because that's what computer viruses look like in movies.

After Dark accounts be like

*united states making it uncomfortable, dangerous, or impossible to be a teacher* why don't we have teachers?

Something I hear frequently parroted is that transgender healthcare is experimental or that trans people are too new or never existed before. The reality is that hormone replacement therapy and the first gender reassignment surgeries were developed in the 1920s and 30s.

In the context of modern medicine this is around the same time as the discovery of insulin’s effects on diabetics, penicillin, the discover of vitamins, and the development of the Pap smear

"i use linux as my operating system," i state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. he swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision.
"actually," he says with a grin, "linux is just the kernel. you use GNU+linux."
i don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "i use alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU coreutils, or any other GNU code. it's linux, but it's not GNU+linux."

the smile quickly drops from the man's face. his body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth as he drop to the floor with a sickly thud. as he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!"
coolly, i reply "if windows was compiled with gcc, would that make it GNU?" i interrupt his response with "and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. even if you were correct, you won't be for long."

with a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. he lies on the floor, cold and limp. i've womansplained him to death.

New emoji idea: FACE WITH USB-C MOUTH AND USB-B 3.0 EYES

i want a smart watch that looks like an 80s digital watch and just buzzes and tracks my steps/heart rate

😬 U+1F62C FACE WITH USB TYPE-C CONNECTOR

What people don't realise is the epic sax man was fused to his saxophone. It was his life support system. The music was actually the sound of the machine working normally. His pelvic thrusts were to charge the battery which used a weighted wheel on a generator to charge it.

Rumour has it technology has progressed where he's now merely dependent on any other woodwind instrument of his choice.

Weasels are friends, not food. #TheseNoodlesNotForEating

Brazen thievery!

Banana friend

So. A scammer hijacks a YouTube channel. Said scammer determines "ah, the best way to find marks for this scam is to turn the channel into 'Tesla' and edit together clips of Elon saying stuff"

I don't know what exactly this says about the cult of personality surrounding That Man and That Brand, but it sure says something!

Unlike other service animals, the Emotional Support Wolverine will maul the living fuck out of any waiters or taxi drivers who dare to refuse service.