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if you're harpy and you know it, flap your hands 🎡🎡

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if you're harpy and you know it
and you really want to show it
if you're harpy and you know it
flap your hands
🎡🎡 🐦 πŸ’¦

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boob nonsense 

kitsch boosted

asking for financial help 

i don't know what to do with any of that, though.

these posts aren't even public, they're unlisted. because... i don't know. i'm not good enough to write this properly with full sourced context all in one go, i'm not good enough to be important to people or taken seriously. it really doesn't seem to matter.

at least i got a small amount of the words out. and at least this is there in the nonsensical chance that anyone who would benefit from seeing it will see it

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we started talking in 2017 and she gave her distant apology in late 2019 according to my notes

this writing is motivated by anger and other emotions, because fucking god damn it, she is directly at fault for raising and destroying my hopes, and doubling my belief that i'm not good or important enough to be treated like a human in any relationship

and/but i wish i could share with anyone who had a similar experience, i guess. and put it out in case it's a missing stair? type thing

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i don't know if i'm right about this. i don't say things without time and consideration. but there's enough points i'm not aware of - though i did see people who expressed dismay at how she was treating them in other contexts. i don't have experience with this sort of thing
...uh i guess except for analyzing the patterns and messages of and trying to recover from decades of thorough emotional and psychological abuse by 2-3 parents simultaneously
[which Amphetamine knew of btw; didn't stop her]

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because of her choice to leave me behind and never speak to or of me, i can't see if she's changed at all and presumably i never come up in conversation with anyone she talks to now.

which is... a big point of doubt for me,

but also ties into my whole point of her arranging things to 'get away with it,' intentionally or habitually or [somehow] incidentally

at least, maybe?

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it was entirely and inarguably her choice to part ways, not mine. and even -that- wasn't explicitly communicated

and yeah that IS her choice, who am i to argue someone leaving me, especially since i'm apparently worthless

but i know a healthy person would have handled it and communication far far better

it's. noteworthy how one-sided, cowardly, and hands-free it was, in the context of... potential toxic cycles or missing stair or whatever

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when we were talking, she told me sadly more than once that she'd already hurt people in the past and that she was worried she would again

but that didn't stop her from hurting me as badly and for as long as she possibly could, as soon as she was done with me. no matter how many chances or prompting or time i gave her

she did, eventually, apologize, admitting what she did wrong... but she sent it indirectly. and with an air of ambiguous but unmistakable finality

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something i've been wondering about with Amphetamine is:
was this really a one-time thing? has she repeated this behavior, will she continue to repeat it?
she says she's getting better, she hurts someone, she leaves the mess behind without any consequences or responsibilities, repeat?

i really don't know. i just feel like i see hints of a possible pattern

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vague thoughts about how in retrospect some of Amphetamine's behavior towards me could well have been considered 'escalating a relationship at an alarming rate'

not aggressively, but subtly

kitsch boosted

were you assigned a gender at birth? you may be entitled to financial compensation

we're deep deep within an isolating debilitating and in most ways lifelong hell

kitsch boosted

... think we need to find help to figure out where to find help. with. this depersonalization. and whatever it is. not being enough.

kitsch boosted

A coop owned patreon alternative with only 2.5 percent fee. Might be of interest ro @rek and @neauoire, and to everyone really

comradery.co/

kitsch boosted

money stuff, request for help as usual 

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... think we need to find help to figure out where to find help. with. this depersonalization. and whatever it is. not being enough.

don't forget to untense your shoulders

kitsch boosted

begpost, asking for help 

kitsch boosted

URGENT: homeless Black person needs money for food 

kitsch boosted

$$$ help, boosts appreciated 

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