aster @variance@chitter.xyz

there is an art to being agender, or rather a knack. the knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at gender and miss

I have a lot of feelings about gender. most of them are stuff like “nope” and [incoherent screaming].

(idk if this is a paradox or irony or whatever, gimme a break)

the paradox of “nobody can gender you when everyone is bundled in piles of clothes and barely visible” juxtaposed with “okay so let’s gender people based on their skates, now”

“I’m a feminist”, people will say, and then balk at letting their son try ice dancing

it’s really funny to me how gendered skating is, kids out here are fully getting assigned figure skater or hockey skater at birth

the upside of me using figure skates is that it instantly makes me look visibly queer

anyway, skating verdict: skating is fun and I’ll prob be doing it v often this year!

anyway unfortunately skating time slots are only 45 minutes at a time so I couldn’t skate for very long (I didn’t even know they were keeping track of me but Oh Well lol)

now I’m really hoping in hindsight that I wasn’t accidentally creepy bc in hindsight “26 year old dude-ish stranger talking to high school kid” sounds hella creepy but fwiw I mentioned that I teach and clearly established that I Am Old and really I was just in teacher mode (which I seem to automatically slip into whenever I’m around The Youth) and we were also talking with other people about skating (including one person who was a pro roller skater a couple of decades ago!)

so I was skating and a high school kid started randomly talking to me about my skates bc “person who looks like a dude wearing figure skates” is still a novelty I guess and then next thing you know we ended up playing a game of “do you know how to do this?” bc they kept wanting to know if I could do things and we got along weirdly well and then they mentioned having a “learning disorder, but you probably don’t know what that is” and I said “oh, I have adhd” and they said “I’m autistic”

lmao I have some sort of 6th sense for running into other neurodivergent people, I swear

alright time 2 go skating

okay but I have to eat breakfast first

YOOOO HOLY SHIT THE SKATING RINK OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT IS OPEN LET’S GOOOOOOOOO

being trans has only compounded this anxiety bc then I start to worry about trans erasure of my hypothetical dead time-displaced historical self lmao

I find history interesting ofc but also slightly distressing because every time I think about a historical period, my immediate first thought is to try and figure out just how fast I’d die if I were randomly transported to that time period via time machine and abandoned there

concept: “fedi” but pronounced to rhyme with “jedi”

opened my blinds to try and maybe coerce myself into getting out of bed faster but nope, here I am still lying in bed, but at least my plants are getting some sun I guess